Sunday, 4 December 2011

Fantasy or Commitment?

Wedding or Marriage? Too often I hear how we ladies say we want to get married, the popular phrase “I can’t wait to get married”, the poor boys, if they only got a dime for every time they heard that one. What I'm about to say isn’t new, well it shouldn’t be new to you.

Do we really want a marriage or just a wedding? Because they are two different things, a wedding; now that’s a show, a fantasy, the bride’s fantasy. It should be everything she has ever dreamed about from her three-tier cake, to the perfect bouquet, to the lovely wedding dress to her prince charming; that day should be all about her. We always fantasize about what our weddings should be like ( I know I’ve done that countless of times in my spare time, hell I'm always tempted to go and try on wedding dresses :$) but that’s where my fantasy stops. How often do we push past the perfect fairy tale wedding to the wedding afterlife; MARRIAGE itself.

I may fantasize about my wedding a million times but marriage scares the life out of me. That takes real commitment, waking up to the same person till you die, that’s real marriage, not this 72 days marriages that are going on (whoever started this divorce trend RME), sticking around through the good days, the bad days, when you’re in the mood for company and when you’re not, that’s the hardest for me, I love having people around me but when I want my space, I genuinely want my space but with marriage you can’t push your partner away cause the more you do, the less the chances are of bringing them back from wherever it is you pushed them to. The greatest challenge in a marriage is keeping the fire burning, still feeling the same way you once did before you got them to yourself. Most people stop trying after the wedding cause they feel now they’ve gotten them so there’s no point trying to stay sexy or trying to please each other but to me that’s when the real work starts, not when you had to sit through boring movies to impress her, spend the whole day in a salon tryna look fly for him or emptying your bank account to get the perfect gift, no it starts after the wedding; that’s when you have to prove to each other that you didn’t make the worst mistake of your life.

There is nothing wrong in daydreaming about the perfect wedding; it is afterall the prelude, the ritualistic and symbolic beginning of a marriage but let’s not get too carried away in wanting a wedding soo bad that we rush into a marriage just to get that perfect wedding day. In other words please stop with the divorces! It is also really funny how African mothers fuss about weddings, if you ask me they just want to indulge in the whole wedding parade, you know, show off what money can do, whose child’s wedding was better, who had the best lace and sprayed more money; that whole show, they keep pressuring youths into marriage, but they never really think about the great consequences of marriage, they won’t be there when he's suddenly gone all Chris Brown on yo ass. Don’t give into the pressure if you’re not ready.

Oh and if you are ever asked too often why you’re not getting any younger and still not married, I believe I just created the perfect excuse for you; I'm trying to find the right one who after 50 years still is the only person that stands out in a room filled with people, who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time, whom I can’t bear to be away from and you get the drift.... but on a serious note what I'm saying is that love shouldn’t have an expiry date.


  1. From experience I know it's nt easy to think abt being with the same person that long. But it is worth it when you find that person who gives u butterflies as many times as he looks at u in a day.. It is

  2. Oh yes! our mothers won't kill us trying to rush us into marriage. it's a lifetime deal, shouldn't be taken lightly especially if you have values that don't have room for divorce