Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Empty


You know when you're going through a rough time and everything seems to be going downhill for you. Nothing seems to be moving just right. It's like your whole world is crashing right in front of your eyes and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. You feel helpless, hopeless, like there is nothing to look forward to not even the silver linings... You drag yourself through the day, telling yourself it would be over soon. And when the day eventually ends, you lay in bed staring blankly into space. Everything is quiet, not even the voices in your head have any comment about your situation. So you lay there and you stare and pray quietly to yourself that the gods of sleep grace you with their presence so you can be unconscious to your thoughts, to your pain, to your world. You toss and you turn. Maybe you try to encourage yourself that 'This too shall pass'. And you chant over and over again 'I'm going to be fine', praying that maybe if you say it enough you would believe it too. But till then it's just you staring in blank space. Sometimes you try to hold it in not to cry, other times you let it all out and sob quietly till your river banks run dry and then you sleep.

And when you open your eyes the next day, for a brief moment everything seems alright, till you gain consciousness and remember the events from the night before. Yup, your world is still crashing and nothing seems okay. And suddenly you pang for those brief seconds when you couldn't remember a thing; the numb moment. 

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