I would probably sit in a corner crying my eyes out and my mum would say something like 'ehn let her cry now, it's good for her eyes sef, it would wash the dirt out'. Till today I believe that's the reason why my eyes are so white. No one would even look my way or talk of even cuddling me or petting me. Gosh I disliked my family for a long time cause of that. I needed the emotional love, the overbearing cuddly warm kind of love and I seemed to be getting the opposite of that.
You would think 21 years of that would have toughened me up but I'm still a bit emotionally needy. So last year when something devastating happened to me and I was bawling my eyes out, guess what my mother said to me?
I had just narrated the events that took place and she goes "are you dead?" I was shocked, irritated and angry at the same time. I thought to myself, what kind of question is that, why would she ask that? Did she not hear what I just finished saying?
So I said "what?", praying that the question was for someone else. But no, not my mother. She still repeated the same question "are you dead?" I decided I would answer to see where it was going. So I said "no" and she said "as long as you're alive, there's hope. Stop crying".
Wow mother -_-
It's not what I wanted to hear but it's what I needed to hear. She could have sugar coated it for me, pat my hair, kiss my cheek and spoil me a little but not my mum. She nips it straight in the bud. I need the fuzzily warm pampering kind of love. But a little tough love never hurt. So with that I wiped my tears, prayed to God and mother was right. There was hope as long as I was alive.
So dear daughter, in as much as I want to give you the kind of love I didn't get, expect the tough love once in a while because it made me the woman I am today.