Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Ward 33

It's not just the ailment that gets you.
It's feeling like you're locked in a prison and can't get out
The four walls feel like they are closing in on you
It's how white and bleak and cold everything looks
No colour, no life

It's being surrounded by the old people,
With fatigue written all over their frail bodies,
The life drained out of them
It's a feeling of despair
Hearing them cry and groan in pain
Just waiting for it to be
The pain or life, whichever came first
It's not seeing a smiling face or hearing laughter in the background

It's the silence that gets you
So silent the only noise you hear is
The exaggerated tick-tocking of the clock

It's feeling like you're alll alone
Even if your life coudn't be more congested with people
You sometimes wish you could get rid off

It's feeling like you're cut off from the entire world
when you stare out the window
and wish you were on the other side not in here

Your thoughts get you, you don't feel like yourself
You don't feel particularly optimistic
You could be young but feel like you're dying already
Maybe you are... from the inside

It's how cold and lifeless the place feels
How can a place meant to make you feel better
Make you feel soo sad? Soo depressed... soo alone

It's not the ailment that gets you, it's the environment
It's the depression
The cold white space, the unfriendly atmosphere
It's the ward... ward 33

So you curl up and cry in foetal position
Not necessarily because you're in physical pain
But because it's emotional hell
Hell, maybe you should have just been diagnosed with depression...

2 comments:

  1. Oh girl i feel your pain! I've been on admission twice as an adult for surgery, and the hospital is no place to be - even when you're just taking care of someone you love (I have done that too *sigh*).

    Just remember that every day is a gift to be alive; to experience God's amazing hand of healing and restoration, and most of all, to be thankful. It could be a lot worse.

    I'm so glad you're getting better! Hang in there love, and keep the faith up! I hope you're able to get outta there soon!

    Sending love and well wishes your way! <3
    God bless you sweetie!

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    Replies
    1. Wow. Well done, it's a terrible feeling. Thank you so much for the encouragement and advice. Seeing all the sick people, especially the old ones made me appreciate life all the more.
      Hope you're good. Take care xxx

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