Emotionally Detached

We lay in bed in between crumpled sheets mixed with sweat and sex. The humidity in the air did nothing to cool us off after going at it like rampant rabbits. 

With our legs intertwined and my head on his chest, he stroked my back lazily. I could hear his heart beating so loud that it drowned out the horns blaring outside. We had been in this position for close to ten minutes without breaking the silence or moving. I scanned across the room at our clothes scattered everywhere in the heat of the passion. We had even knocked down a lamp, I hadn't noticed. Who could have when he had his lips on.... The thought alone got me excited. It wasn't a bad hotel room. We had become regulars here that the lady at the desk no longer gave me her disapproving look when I told her I was here to see my "uncle". Of course she saw right through the lie but I couldn't care less. 

"I have to go," he said finally, breaking the silence

"I know" I replied but I didn't move, neither did he

"I still love my wife" he said. I hadn't asked him, why feel the need to remind me? Still I replied. 

"I know"

"But I love you too" my heart saddened a bit. I took a deep breath before replying him this time round 

"I know" my voice sounded rasped and choked

"I'm going to call you and see you as much as I can, okay?" He added 

I didn't respond. 

What should I wear tomorrow? I had drifted in my thought and transported myself to my closet, mentally putting my outfit for the next day together, after all I had a very important presentation. And it didn't matter that I was sleeping with the boss, whatever cordial relationship we had ended at the door of the room. I wonder how I had gotten here.

Of course I remembered, it happened one late evening at the office. He had just had an argument with his wife and I had no where to be so I had started on tomorrow's work. Our eyes met across the room and I knew just as much as he knew where we were both going to end up that night. 

"Hey," he said interrupting my thoughts and pulling my face towards him. "This doesn't change anything okay?"

"Sure" I drawled sarcastically and got off the bed

Sure it didn't change anything. His wife was having their second child and it didn't change anything. She wasn't the one he came to when he wanted to exercise his Kama sutra skills or pound his frustration away to yet she got to be his but it didn't change anything. 

I looked at my reflection in the mirror as it stared back at me. For a split second, I didn't recognize the girl staring back but she was gone before I got a second look. I re-applied my mascara and lipstick, puckered up my lip and straightened out my hair. That would have to do for now.  

Ooh I know. The purple chiffon top would be the perfect option for tomorrow. I thought as I stared back at my reflection one last time. 

I never let my thoughts go there or even give it a second to do so. Before it had the opportunity to slip to the black hole, I would redirect it into something else. Making a list, planning a party, styling myself. Baking a cake. Whatever it took, as long as it numbed me off my consciousness...


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