The hustling still continues to get out of here. However everything I've tried hasn't worked out so far. Can you imagine my frustration? I'm still persistent though, pulling all the strings I can find... That is until I get an epiphany or what I've assumed is one.
On getting back to the dorms after an unsuccessful morning, I get a phone call from my mum and she says maybe this is God and he wants me to learn something and I should try to change my mindset and see it that way. At this point I'm crying and trying to make sure my dorm members don't notice. What she said is true, probably. I've tried everything and it's not working out, it can only mean God has shut the door from above and it probably cannot be opened anymore.
As if that wasn't clear enough, I open my journal and find something I wrote on 6th July.
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to everyone you meet
To make your friends feel
That there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
And make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
And press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
And give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
That you have no time to criticise others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
Not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
So long as you are true to the best that is in you"
- Christian D. Larson
Couldn't be just coincidence that it's the first thing I saw when I opened my diary right? Probably a secret message from God... As if that wasn't enough, my mum called me saying the same thing that it's probably God's plan since we tried so hard to change it and it's not working out. That He probably has me here to learn a thing or two after all nothing just happens. By now I'm fully convinced that it is in fact my fate to stay at camp and I'm slowly making my peace with it. Plus, isn't that we always preach? Change your mind, change your life? Can't always be for the good days...