Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Personal Dilemma


So I came across this quote that Karreuche posted once on her instagram, following her on and off relationship with Chris Brown and it struck a cord with me. Perhaps because I can relate but I need to ask your opinion and I'll really appreciate if you leave a comment with your thoughts on this.

"The more chances you give someone the less respect they will start to have for you. They'll begin to ignore the standards that you've set because they'll know another chance will always be given. They're not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won't walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you"

Well we all know how the story ended (or the current chapter it's at). She's back with him but it doesn't change the authenticity of the message right?

If a person has hurt you more than once and you keep taking them back, does that mean they are taking advantage of you and does it mean you're losing respect, not just from them but from yourself as well?

It's easier to judge from the outside until you find yourself caught up in a dilemma like this. And if truly, they are disrespecting you, how do you walk away? I don't trust my judgement these days, which is why I feel like I need to put this out there...

9 comments:

  1. i would love to see the comment on this, am largely in the same shoes, been on and off with one person for 5 years! we back together now and i have said its the last time but said same all the other time.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow it's good to know I'm not alone in this. Help me share se we can see what people have to say

      Delete
  2. Here's my two cents about this. If I keep taking the person back, it doesn't mean that I have lost respect for myself or they are taking advantage of me but that they are worth forgiving. You just gotta know the line between being treated as a person or as a doormat. If however the person is not worth forgiving or if they keep repeating the same thing over and over again or if they are not remorseful about what they did then girl you deserve better!! And to answer your question about leaving them, just wake up one day and walk away from it all. Some people deserve an explanation while others don't, so you decide which one it is. I'm not sure if this is helpful but I hope it provides you some sort of clarity.

    Good luck with your woes and I hope you figure it out!
    Meera xx!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah.. that makes so much sense. Guess it's all up to me to figure out for myself if I'm getting what you deserve.
      Sigh, being a grown up is just hard :(

      Delete
  3. Hopefully the comment stays this time Lol

    It depends on you. Im assuming you've explained to the person why what they're doing is disrespectful and they keep repeating it or similar actions. You have to watch what people do and not what they say. Is the person taking tangible steps to correct their behavior or are they just saying they will change? It's like a fat person saying they wanna lose weight but they don't do any research on how to eat healthier or change their diet and exercise. They're just talking. So let's say this person is verbally abusive and they keep doing it. You need to see what tangible steps they are taking to stop their behavior. Like are they reading articles on how damaging their behavior is and how to fix it? Are they getting therapy or counselling? If they are taking steps then you can give them some time and watch for improvements. But again you have to decide how much time you can give them. If they're not doing anything tangible then you need to chuck the deuces cuz that person will not change no matter how much they say they will.

    And how do you leave? When youve had enough you will know. Everybody has their breaking point. Even Madam Karrueche. For some it takes years, hopefully it won't for you. You go No Contact. Block them everywhere they could possibly contact you, change your number if you have to. Don't get roped in by their sob stories and promises.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WOW. This is the ugly truth and I definitely needed to hear this. I guess maybe I've been oblivious to actually checking to see if this persons actions line up with their words. Would be more alert now and if it does lead to walking away, then God help me. Cause I think it's going to be the hardest shit i ever did. Thanks again Sasha! xxx

      Delete
  4. Relationships are complicated and sometimes we have to break up only to realise how much we lost and when we get a second chance we make sure we do things right this time. But if you are constantly on and off it suggests that the promises someone gave you last time you were making up were not fulfilled. If you are in a vicious circle of break ups and make ups and the relationship brings you more drama and heart ache than joy and fulfillment it means that words and promises are not followed by actions. Then, you should stop it. I know it sounds simple. Often we make excuses for the other person and look for the slightest signs of improvements and changes to silence our inner alarms. But I think that if someone truly cared and sincerely loved you all those break ups and make ups wouldn't be necessary. Of course everyone makes mistakes we are only humans. But if someone really loves you and sees the damage and pain he caused after hurting you the first time he goes above and beyond not to do it again. Because if we really love just the idea of putting our loved ones through pain and distress is uncomfortable and unbearable. So if someone keeps hurting you he is taking benefit of your feelings, your good heart, your willingness to fight for that relationship and to suffer for it. Maybe he does it subconsciously and it is a result of his own confusion in his heart but do not make anymore excuses for him. Because as I said if someone loves you and sees you in their future he makes sure you stay instead of risking to loose you. And if that is so, you better take the last courage you have and walk off. It doesn't mean u didn't give it your all or that u don't want it enough. It only means that you want to be truly loved, without being played and taken advantage of. It wont be easy and it will hurt. It will take a while to get through it. Don't surrender to all the negative emotions. God always makes something good out of everything, even the hardest and most complicated situations.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow Domi. This was a read but really worth it. And you are absolutely right. There's a difference between giving a one off second chance and it becoming a habit in which the person doesn't try harder to be better or show signs of true repentance. Thanks also for the encouragement, I'm really trying to remain positive about it being part of God's plan. Thank you again darling, appreciate your insight to this xxx

      Delete
  5. Firstly, I agree with the fact that when you give someone many chances, it makes room for you to be taken advantage of but at the same time you can't walk away because you must be strongly attached, my advice on this issue is to portray the look and act that exclaims there's no room for more mistakes and no more chances even if deep down you know you can't actually walk away, you must be able to show the person you're fed up and can't stand another mistake, put emotions aside and act in a strict manner, take irregular actions to make the person understand there's no more room for mistakes.

    ReplyDelete