When Did I Stop Being Me?
I was sitting on my bed reading “The Wait” by DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good, yes I’m celibate (a struggling celibacy student but persevering) and I got to the section on how you need to know yourself before you get married/commit to a serious relationship, otherwise your identity becomes defined by your status quo, X’s wife X’s mother etc. Is that news to me? Obviously not, but something about reading it again this morning struck me. First of all, I decided to go on an entertainment fast this week because I felt like I was slipping into old habits and straying from God. So, no social networks for me, no “worldly” entertainment; music and TV shows that plant sexual seeds in my heart and the last one, don’t judge me, no playing Farm Heroes. It’s like candy crush, the twin of candy crush, it’s just as addicting (who makes these games anyways?) I put it on my list because it was taking up so much of my time that could be better spent being productive. I’m not kidding, I would literally wake up in the middle of the night to pass a level because I know my lives have been restored or you could be talking to me, saying something really important and I would pick up my phone and start playing farm heroes, when we all know I have the attention span of a fish. It was an issue I tell you; I know you’re probably wondering why I didn’t delete the game then. Well there’s no need to be rash (I probably sound like an addict, pft!)
So where was I? (See, attention span of a fish). Okay, knowing who you are right… so I read that part again and I asked myself, “why did I stop writing?” Which is probably what some of you have asked yourself from time to time, why I stopped blogging. The truth is, I don’t know. I thought that once I got my MacBook back, the mojo would magically appear, like Ta Da!!! Right? Wrong! I’ve had my laptop back for three months and it’s been an eerie silence here. I actually thought I’d come and find my blog taken down from inactivity. LOL.
When did I stop being me? I started writing because I needed an outlet, not that I expected anyone to be reading this and then I found that some people were paying attention to what I had to say and then I (ALL BY MYSELF!) put pressure on myself to deliver good content and then I started to lose my identity because I thought I wasn’t as good as other bloggers. And I also thought I had to match up to par with the rising number of personal bloggers out there. But wait, hold up, I never started writing for approval, I didn’t start this blog with the aim of being the next influential blogger or money making blog on the net, I just needed an outlet so why was I trying to take the fun out of that for myself? I ought to slap myself or someone else do it (Don’t even dare). Anyways, I hope that with this new revelation, I’ll commit back to sharing my thoughts on here. Also, because I’m seeing this new guy, whom I swear is like hot chocolate fudge on legs, you should see him in a suit, I mean…. And do you know what’s worse? His love language is Physical Touch, so much for making it easy on me Lord. So I’m gonna need all the outlet I can to remain celibate. Don’t tell him I said that, oh Lord, help me.