I currently have the flu so for this week's dating challenge, we stuck indoors and watched sitcoms to make me feel better. Thereby striking off 'Have a movie night at home' on the Dates Bucketlist. J did a perfect job helping me nurse my cold and snuggling with me to make me feel better, only seems fair since I took care of him the day before when he was down with a fever lol. I opted for Black-ish and How I Met Your Mother instead of a movie cause they say laughter is the best medicine.
However, I had to brave it up and dress up for a friend's bridal shower, which brings me to the real point of this post. I bumped into an old high school classmate at the bridal shower that took me back to memories of who I was in secondary school. You know when you always see questions like, if you could write a letter to your teenage self, what would it say? I never knew what I would write, but seeing her today gave me some sort of clarity on how I would like to answer that question. This was someone's friendship I had fought for and lost myself trying to get and seeing her briefly for two minutes had me like, all that for what? It was laughable moment.
Growing up I tried way too hard when it came to certain things, not that I would change anything because they all shaped who I am today but I can't help and cringe when I think about some memories or read through old journals. Friendship especially, I wanted a Disney friendship so bad, I lost touch with reality. Somehow I forgot that their friendship was scripted and reality was a rude awakening. I changed "best friends" like I changed my toothbrush (every 3 months) and that resulted in me getting walked over, losing my identity and never really building concrete relationships. Don't get me wrong, I was no saint, heck I was probably the problem 90% of the time, but if there was anything I enjoyed, it was playing the victim LOL. BUT I've come a long way in maturing and I'm so grateful for the journey.
So if I had to write a letter to my teenage self it would say,
There are three things which shouldn't be forced; love, friendship and a ponytail. If you have to force it, leave it. The girls you're trying so hard to be friends with right now won't matter in ten years because your paths are going to take different directions. Your confidence has no tie whatsoever to your acceptance by these girls. You don't have to force anyone to be your friend and certainly not by bribing them with gifts. First love and accept yourself unconditionally and then you would attract the right kind of people who would love and accept you too.
If you keep giving away so much of yourself to people who don't appreciate it, you're going to be left with nothing. And then there's not going to be any respect there for you because you've clearly demonstrated you don't respect yourself. Respect yourself to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy. And it's okay to not be liked by everyone, it is not your job to please every Tom, Dick and Harry, you are not Nutella. Embrace yourself, your quirks, imperfections and personality and this is going to build a self confidence so strong and admirable that it would be almost impossible not to be your friend. Don't be afraid to show the real you, no one is going to criticise you for it and if they do, that's their problem not yours. Stop changing who you are to fit the friend of the day's criteria because you're going to keep losing a little bit of your identity with each mask you wear.
One more thing, there is absolutely no rule that states that you must have a best friend in life, you can have soul sisters, you can have confidantes, hell you can even have multiple best friends but don't feel like you've failed because you don't have a friendship that looks like a Disney movie script. You're going to turn out to be an amazing beautiful woman and I only wish you could see yourself ten years from now so you could walk away from situationships. You would be shocked to find out who your real friends actually are but no spoilers, it's a journey you have to travel for yourself. Also don't try to fit people in the God-shaped hole in your life, if you want a perfect friend turn to Jesus.
Your grown and wiser self,
Ok well it might not be the best letter but it resonates with me and maybe there's someone else it resonates with too. Also don't think I've gotten it all figured out because up until last year, I still found myself in a situationship but hey I'm learning and that's all that matters right?