However now, I think I want to remember. I'm tired of not remembering a lot of things.
Tonight I sat on the floor and went through my old journals. I've always kept a journal for as long as over a decade and I'm so grateful that I have. Flipping through my journals today, I was forced to walk down several memory lanes that my brain had conveniently forgotten. But I was also grateful because I saw how I've grown over the years.
As I read, I saw the girl who tried to victimise her way out of every thing, struggled with friendships in high school and sought attention from all the wrong sources.
I saw the girl who jumped from one bad relationship to another. I'm glad I saw this because I noticed a pattern, which I'm taking to the Lord in prayer.
I saw the girl who wrote a letter to God daily and shared her fears, frustrations and hopes for the future.
I saw a poem that my late cousin wrote to me that made me break down on my bedroom floor. God bless your soul Barka, you're terribly missed.
I never want to stop journaling and I hope that I pass my journals down to my daughter one day so she sees how her mum came of age. I find that it's important to write things down, I have even this blog as a journal. I read some posts and can't believe I wrote them or what inspired them. All in all, I'm grateful for these reminders of how I've grown and what I've been through.